Party with a Clutz
Some time in the 80s Lori and Celeste were invited to a formal Christmas party. They were told that is would be really formal, not Santa Cruz formal. There weren’t going to know anybody but the hostess. They decided that would make the party even more fun. With both of them having grown up in Santa Cruz, they felt as if they’d met everyone in town.
Deciding what to wear took Celeste an extremely long time. She didn’t have any really formal clothes. It took trying on at least ten outfits and six or seven calls to Lori to make a choice.
“Lori, what are you going to wear?”
“I’m not sure yet. Do you think that it’ll really be as formal as Julie says it will be?”
“Probably not. I just can’t see something like a Dynasty party here in good ol’ Santa Cruz.”
“I think,” Lori said, “You, we, should just wear something we are comfortable in.”
Celeste finally chose a black sweater dress, with black stockings, and some ruby-red spiked heel that looked like they had been flown in from Oz (except of course, Dorothy’s weren’t spiked). Lori wore a black vintage dress from the 40s, with some wobbly black pumps that were just as old. Around her shoulders she wrapped a sparkling white shawl. Celeste thought they looked good.
As it turned out, they were greatly underdressed. All of the women were clad in long formal dresses made of sequins or silk. The men were either in tuxes or very nice suits. One gentleman was wearing an all-leather suit, and his date wore a bright-blue sequined dress with a neckline down to her navel. To say that they (Celeste and Lori) felt out of place was an understatement.
The apartment had Christmas lights hung outlining the doors and windows. There was mistletoe hung wherever possible. The guests (which were a good ten years older than Celeste and Lori) stood around in small groups chatting. Julie, the hostess, after spotting the girls and swishing over, showered them with hugs and kisses.
“I’m soooooo glad you could make it,” she squealed. “Have some champagne.” It seemed as though she’d had a little too much already. They hugged her back and accepted the champagne and then she hurried off to attend to other guests.
Lori took a sip out of her glass. “Mmmmmm.”
Just then a lady bumped into Lori. Lori’s champagne glass wobbled and its contents spilled down the front of the lady’s white silk dress.
Horrified, Lori said, “I’m so sorry.”
The lady gave her a searing look. “I sure hope this comes out. You know, I just picked this up the cleaners today.”
“I’m really sorry,” Lori said again.
Lori and Celeste quickly found out that most of the guests weren’t friendly. They were too busy drinking and showing off their attire. After an hour of feeling like they had been pasted to the wall Lori said, “Hey Celeste, let’s get out of here and go get a drink at the Crowsnest.”
That sounded fine to Celeste. They went upstairs to get their coats and to say good-bye to Julie, who was also upstairs. Celeste went down the stairs first. Upon reaching the bottom she looked up just in time to see Lori’s 40-year old shoe give out on her.
One minute she was walking gracefully down the stairs and the next her foot had slipped out in front of her and WHAM! She fell flat on her butt and bumped all the way to the bottom. She arrived safely with her skirt wrapped around her thighs. One leg was sticking straight out in front and the other was lost under her body.
The room became dead silent. You could clearly hear the music that had been playing softly in the background. Lori was bright red. She covered her face with her hand, and mumbled something to herself as she straightened her skirt. She stood up and promptly walked out what she thought was the front door, shutting the door behind her, but really was the coat closet.
Celeste ran outside into the clear night just as little titters emerged from the guests. She stood on the lawn and started laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe. Lori came out about 30 seconds later. The laugh she had been holding since she closed herself in the closet game bellowing out. She laughed long and hard as they walked to the car.
“What a clutz!” She screamed as she threw her head back in an exasperated roll.
“Did you see the look on everyone’s faces?” Lori asked.
“Yes! Did you see that lady I spilled the drink on? She had a look like I was the lamest person she’d every been associated with!”
“You are,” Celeste giggled.
“Oh, shut up.” Lori hit her with her purse.
They got in the car and drove to the Crowsnest. Every once in a while one of them would start to laugh as they pictured the whole scene over again.
Upon arriving at the bar, they went upstairs. The bar was packed. “It’s too crowded to stay here.”
Lori nodded her head in agreement. She leaned over and said in Celeste’s ear, “But, lets say I fall down the stairs again?”
“You won’t!” Celeste laughing and rand down the stairs to show Lori how easy it could be.
Lori still couldn’t get the hang of it. WHAM! “Celeste!!! I did it again!”
Once again, Celeste ran out the door laughing.
Together again in the parking lot Celeste said, “Lori, I can’t take you anywhere! First you spill a drink all over a five or six hundred dollar dress, then you fall down a flight of stairs and walk into a closet, and then you fall down another flight of stairs in a bar. You’re hopeless!”
“I am, aren’t I?” Lori grinned sheepishly. “Next time we go out I’ll try not to be such a clutz.”
Until this very day Lori has not fallen down a flight of stairs. She still regularly spills drinks, but mostly on herself. Once a clutz, always a clutz.
posted by kg @ 17:37
0 comments
