Fact - Cleaning out the Office Closet

I cleaned out my office closet yesterday. Mostly went through boxes I had packed up four years ago when I got divorced.

I gave the dress I got married in to Goodwill. I looked at it for about a nano-second and realized I had zero feelings about this dress. Now, it wasn't the dress I wore to the reception of my wedding. You see, I had a small wedding that was family and extremely close friends only. It was very casual. But, that night we had a huge formal party and *that* dress is boxed up at my father's. Although I am not sure what will become of it. Who wants to wear a dress from a wedding that has failed. Beautiful dress though. Anyway, I digress.

The dress I got married in I bought the day before the wedding at a store downtown that doesn't even exist any more. It was next to Roberts, which also doesn't exist any more. It is an ivory gauze (sp?) dress that buttons down the front with a simple drawstring waist. I was much thinner then. The fabric is so sheer that the dress came with a slip. The shoes I wore were regular work, clunky, chunky brown heels. Now that I think about it, I must have looked ridiculous! But hey, I was comfortable. I also remember walking down the "aisle" at my dad's house thinking that I felt like I was in a dream. And not neccessarily the right dream. Not a bad dream, mind you. Just not right. The bad part of it came later when I grabbed my friend Stacey at the reception and said, "I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life."

Well, it wasn't really the biggest mistake because I think I learned a lot from it. I learned how *not* to treat a man, I realized marriage is much more work than I ever thought possible and I also learned, that you can't really change people. I also got a kid out of it, so that was fair. And I also got a friend for life, as my ex-husband and I are friends - not super close but reliable if that makes sense. Reliabe in the sense that he already knows the history (if that makes sense!). Even though I don't think he really listens to me when I talk to him....oh well. He works for my father and step-mother, actually buying part of their business. So, he's more like a family member. I don't feel much or any thing toward him in a romantic way (I actually feel like he's a sibling who bugs me), but I do miss the companionship and the familiarity. Strange to write that. I had a brief moment when I remembered what it was like to be with him. A good feeling, even. :)

I also gave away the basket purse that was his ex-wife's (yes, I was his second wife - and he's about have a third). Anyone who grew up by the beach in the 80s probably knows this kind of purse. It is a simple round basket with two leather straps. The straps are long enough to wear as a backpack if you like. I remember the joy and sort of triumph I felt about having that purse and using it. It was kind of like "I know you hate me, but I have your purse." Stupid, I know.

All these thoughts came from one closet. What is going to happen when I tackle the rest of the house?